A Stranger to Myself

It was Sunday afternoon

We always listened to Jamaican Gold

They were doing a fundraiser this time

Asking for sustaining members

The front door was wide open

I was the princess and the pea

I needed a fortress of pillows

I felt torn apart

Is it like this for everyone?

She and I both in diapers

My body foreign, unrecognizable

A stranger to myself

But somehow responsible

For this other stranger

That didn't seem fair

Open the app:

FEED BABY, it was called

Which side this time?

How many minutes?

How many diapers?

Did you miss one?

Which side this time?

Did you stop the timer?

FEED BABY

Oh god

I'd better sleep on the couch

Mothers roll over onto their babies in bed

The couch will be safer

FEED BABY

Which side this time?

Then I heard it on the radio:

"thank you to our newest member.

And to his baby daughter, who came home from the hospital today"

I had to leave the room because I couldn't stop crying

I know we'd be ok now

Three of us, listening to Jamaican Gold