Before I Was Theirs

Who was I before I was theirs?

My whole identity has become mom and it all started almost 9 years ago when my youngest was born. I'm now a full time stay at home mom, that is what identifies me, my girls, they are my identity.

My dream was always to be a mom. It's my favorite thing in the whole world, I wouldn't trade it for anything…but sometimes I fear I've lost myself and forget who I was before I was their mom.

I love celebrating my girls but I dread their birthdays because it means they are getting older and it's another year closer to them being independent. Or is it the fear of not knowing who I'll become when they no longer rely on me?

Tears fill my eyes when I think about them growing up. I hope they'll look up to me the way I look up to my own mom. I want them to still need me when they are on their own.

I'll admit it, I've let my marriage become a low priority and I've put all my attention and focus on my girls. Someday it'll just be us again in a quiet house and a new sense of freedom so we can't become roommates or strangers but some days all my energy goes to the kids and there's nothing left.

I'm working on prioritizing us again and it feels good but it still makes me wonder…who was I before I was theirs and who will I be when I'm no longer a full-time mom?